Crazy Chronicles: Episode One
by CC-authors
Summary: While seeking revenge, strange relationships are forged, while others are revealed and fought over. Crossover between Batman Begins, Final Fantasy 7 & 9, LOTR, Star Wars and others. Warning, contains massive amounts of slash and insanity.


Disclaimer: We don't own the following: Batman Begins, Star Wars, Final Fantasy 7 or 9, Lord of the Rings (the book version), Kingdom Hearts or anything else here that we obviously don't own. We think we own ourselves though, we being Seabrook and Onewing. As to it, welcome to the insanity, you'll find nothing but OOCness, lack of plot except on rare bursts, the oddest pairings imaginable such as a certain Dr. and Angel of Death, and so on. This is fully slash. We're seriously doubting the existence of a straight man, excluding a few, in this fic. We're warning you only once, this is insane, this is fully slashified, and thus why it is called:

The Crazy Chronicles

Episode One: Insanity Begins with Muses

* * *

Mayhem ruled at the fortress of Onewing and Seabrook. The writers had taken a leave of absence for a quest, "In search of inspiration, coffee, and above all, chocolate!" They had abandoned their computers halfway through a story they were writing and left everything as it was in their hurry. Unfortunately, they also forgot to lock up the muses while they were gone, who were now causing said mayhem amidst the plot bunnies, who were, as always, breeding far too fast for the authors to keep up. 

A few of the more calm muses sat on the sidelines, watching the theatrics and commenting or helping as they wished. Among them was Dr. Jonathan Crane, a.ka. Scarecrow, who was the latest acquisition to Seabrook's muses and was still settling in, grumbling every step of the way. "When Seabrook and Onewing return, I warn you, I intend to take none of the blame for any of this." He said, glancing over the rim of his glasses as he jotted down notes watching Elladan and Elrohir rummaging through Seabrook's movie collection.

"You'd think so," Lindir, one of Onewing's older muses, commented, "But we all tend to get the blame in the end, it seems, even though they," he gestured with one slender hand towards the twins, "Are more often the cause then not. If it's not Xan," he went back to tuning his harp.

Elladan looked up from his search, "Don't forget Kuja, Lindir. We don't always cause the worse of the damage. Do we, Ro?'

"Of course not. Obi-Wan seems eager to help, too, though he denies it." Elrohir replied with a grin, turning away from the bookshelf with a copy of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure in his hand.

Obi-Wan glared at him. "Yes, I do! You guys trick me into it or blame it on me." He said. He glanced at Lindir. "Is it just me, or is there something about black haired, blue eyed people that makes them crazy?" He asked, then glanced at Crane guiltily. "No offense intended."

Crane shrugged. "I never claimed to be completely sane, and even if I did, who would believe a man who wears a burlap mask?" He asked, then glanced at the Elrohir with disdain. "We are not watching that again, so you can just put it back."

Elladan frowned a little, "Then what do you suggest we watch, Doctor?" he stressed, giving no respect to the title.

Lindir rolled his eyes a little, "Show a little better upbringing, Elfling, Your father would be horrified to hear that tone," he glanced to Obi-wan ignoring the look Elladan threw him, "And I agree, really. Most dark headed, blue eyed beings seemed to be a little... incomplete in certain things. Silver hairs are just as bad."

"So says the one that has white hair," came another voice, as Kuja sauntered into the room, hips swaying, tail out and lashing under his skirt and armor, "What are we all doing in here? One would think you fellows had enough time together as it was."

Obi-Wan glanced up at Kuja and shrugged. "Master says we should learn more tolerance. Besides, the best fridge and TV are in here, I'm not giving them up." He said with a sniff, turning back to seeking something to stuff his face with.

Crane had finally had it and was looking, once again, for his mask and fear toxin, and though everyone knew what he was looking for, since he threatened often enough, but said nothing. Seabrook had taken them away early on, saying Crane needed to go back to kindergarten and learn to 'play nice' before he could have them back. Crane still stubbornly looked for them whenever he got annoyed with one of the other muses.

Xanatos brushed past the doctor in question without even a glance, looking around the room. "Lively bunch. Wing and Sea are going to kill us all." He said, walking over to the twins. He looked over the movies and wordlessly handed one to Elrohir with a grin.

Ro looked at and smiled, popping it in as Xan turned to Crane and slung an arm over the doctor's shoulders. "Come on, I know what will make you feel better." He said with far too much friendship. It took all of two seconds of the scene with Rachel tasering Scarecrow before Crane was trying to choke Xan, who was laughing and darting out of the way. The other muses ignored them, used to Xan's antagonizing anyone he could.

Kuja had slunk over to Obi-Wan in the meantime, to drape himself on the younger man, arms going around his neck, "You should watch what you eat, Obi-dearest, or you're going to get fat." He yelped a moment later as he was effectively lifted off of him by Qui-Gon.

"I would kindly ask that you keep your hands off my apprentice, Kuja. I am getting tired of asking nicely," Qui-Gon drawled, holding the much shorter man off the ground.

Kuja struggled, and finally slipped loose, by using his tail to pry Qui-Gon's hand open. Huffing, he straightened his hair, "I wasn't doing a thing to him this time, merely warning him of the evils of junk food."

Obi-Wan snorted and turned with an armful of chip and cookie bags. He glanced at Kuja and sniffed. "You know I stay beautiful no matter what I eat. Benefit of having the Force to burn away access calories." He said, ignoring Qui-Gon's look of, 'You're not helping yourself any, Padawan.'

Crane had given up, as he always had to when Xan started playing keep away, using the Force to hold a struggling, furious Gotham doctor in place. He slumped on the couch in a fashion most unlike him, going back to his notepad and grumbling about preferring being chased by the Batman then this. Once again, everyone ignored him.

Elrohir had taken the movie out for self preservation, since he didn't have the Force to protect himself, and was looking for another one. "Moulin Rouge?" He called out, and there was a collective groan.

"That guy gives me the creeps." Obi-Wan said with a scowl. "I mean, sure, he just comes up with songs that VERY second to sing." He made a suspicious face. "I think he's a stalker."

No one commented as Xan hassled the twins away from the movies. "Let's think of something else to do, ok?" He said quietly. No one needed to watched anything Ro liked for the 50 millionth time.

"And exactly what would you suggest, Xanatos?" Lindir drawled from the couch, looking a little distrustful as Elladan settled down on the arm beside where he sat. He swiftly moved to make sure his harp was well protected, very mindful of the way the younger Elf was eying it.

"Indeed, unless you intend for us to be bored for the rest of our very short time of freedom," Kuja drawled, elegantly making his way to settle beside Crane, taking glances at the doctor's notes with vague interest.

"We could always fiddle with those things," Elladan suggested off handedly, gesturing to the computers in the corner, "Since Glor isn't here to suggest that they eat people."

Crane snorted mildly in derision at that suggestion, but Xan merely cocked his head in thought as he glanced at the monitors in question. "Perhaps." He said quietly, turning fully towards the glowing, inviting screens.

Obi-Wan looked up at Xan and groaned. "No, no, and no!" He said suddenly, abandoning his chips to stand in protest. "Wing and Sea would roast us alive if we touched those, and you know it." He said, crossing his arms over his chest. "They would kill us all, too, not just the ones who'd been on the computers or came up with the idea, and I am totally against dying." He grumbled.

Elrohir rolled his eyes and glanced at Obi-Wan's chips before dismissing them with a slight sniff. "You just can't stand it when Sea's mad at you." He stated, raising an eyebrow and smirking. "Suck-up."

Obi-Wan growled at him. "Look. You are not the ones she spent TWO years perfecting her torture methods on. The only one who can talk is that new guy, Will or Bill or whatever his name is, and he isn't here yet, so shut your mouth." Obi finished, taking a threatening step towards the older elvish twin, but Ro just grinned at him.

Xanatos, meanwhile, was completely ignoring what was going on behind him. "Obi, quit being a wimp." When the glare turned to him, he just grinned. "Don't you get it? This is the perfect time to get some blackmail material on our two favorite authors. There must be something on here they'd rather forget."

"Blackmail?" Lindir swiftly stood, "Sorry, I'm leaving now before this insane idea takes effect. My love life depends upon it above anything else..."

Elladan reached out, snagging Lindir's wrist and pulling him back, "I'm sure you could use it to get her to get to working on it. I mean, you and Erestor have been at the same stage for how long?"

Lindir scowled, "I refuse to discuss it."

"That's because you're too shy," Kuja cooed teasingly.

Qui-gon moved past this, "I believe Obi-wan is right, Xani. We should leave the Mistresses' properties alone. For the sake of survival, if nothing else, not to mention it's a disrespect."

He restrained from muttering that Xan probably didn't care about that, all things considering.

Elrohir quickly locked the door, grinning happily as he pocketed the key and just smirked at the glares that all turned on him. It was hard to frighten one that had grown up witnessing elven wrath.

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Thus begins our preview to the insanity. It will only get worse from here on out. You were warned. :D Flames will be posted and laughed at.


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